Before my band Nekrogoblikon embarks on a 33-city, headlining tour across the great American north, I thought it would be helpful to peel back the curtain and shed green light on the preparation that goes into being the lead singer of the premier goblin-metal band and this is how: A GOB PREPARES.
So, these are my TOUR TIPS, my TT’s. Metal dudes love TT’s.
- Pack only the essentials.
Most everybody else in my band has a small designated drawer or space under the bandwagon to store their personal items for the 6-week excursion. Me? The lead singer and most important part of the band? I get special treatment, of course; there is something called a JUNK-BUNK that veteran musicians like myself are super familiar with, where there is an extra bunk not being used on a tour bus, and everybody tosses their crap into it haphazardly. Now, my band uses a tiny storage unit towed behind the bandwagon to hold all the music equipment, and we’ve dubbed it our JUNK-TRUNK. “John, is that where you get to store your things?” No. No. That is where I get to store ME. Yes. That is where I sleep. A snare drum as a pillow, a guitar case as a blanket, and my mic stand to spoon me, keeping me warm and safe at night. Which is why I pack, say it with me: ONLY THE ESSENTIALS. Which is me, myself, and one shirt and tie that I wear for every single show. Like a cartoon character. I never remove them. Ever. Nor wash them. Each night, the smells and liquids from the previous town I take with me like souvenirs and trophies to remind myself where I have been and where I am headed next.
- Prepare your mind and body for The Road.
Everybody has this perception of what being a rockstar is. It’s traveling the world, seeing all the sites, meeting new people, eating exotic food, etc. NAY. The harsh reality is, arriving at a venue, watching your bandmates unload all their equipment while you nap, doing a soundcheck you slept through, eating the scraps of your drummer’s Subway sandwich for dinner, taking another nap during all the opening acts, being woken up by your frantic tour manager screaming at you that your band has already started playing and you’re needed on stage to “do your job!”
Then, AFTER the show it’s another nap, while all your bandmates unload the equipment back into the Junk-Truck aka your bedroom, and next thing you know you wake up in the middle of the night after the driver hath struck your 127th pothole to you realize you’re driving through yet another empty field in the never-ending darkness only to arrive to a new venue that looks vaguely similar to the last twenty–all just to do it all over again, meanwhile the only faces you’ve seen are your bandmates same sweaty, unwashed grimaces that never make eye-contact. Sure, in the midst of all this chaos, there IS an amazing show you get to perform at each night, that you absolutely crush, by the way, but that’s no easy task either, shaking your hump all night, melting faces, and hitting notes higher than Snoop Dogg! It takes a mental and physical toll.
- Remember You’re Doing GOB’s Work
Sometimes I find it hard to muster the strength to embark on such a strenuous journey, but then I think of one thing: YOU. Yes, you. The exact person reading this article. You (fill in your name here) help put everything into perspective. You might be reading all the above and be thinking to yourself, “How can one endure all of this? I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody.” Well, I would wish it upon one person, ME… and my bandmates because currently, I am not a solo act.
Sure, touring is grueling at times, but it’s also the freakin best; I’ve never felt more rested, and if it stops, I have to go back to selling life insurance for BRAD! Not to mention, we are out there not only melting faces, but we are converting the masses. Turning any human (or troll) into a GOBLIN. Reuniting goblins of old and new, bringing goblin families together in one sacred place to circle each other and eventually crash into one another in the mosh pit of their choosing. It’s a beautiful thing, a Gob damn beautiful thing. So if touring is a bit of a grind, I guess that’s just my cross to bear… though I can’t actually bear a cross this tour, no f*cking way, a giant ass wooden cross is going to fit in this trailer/my bedroom?!? Psh! Oh, and if anybody is reading this, PLEASE LET ME OUT OF HERE. IT IS VERY HOT, AND I ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED OVER MY WATER WHEN I WAS TRYING TO CUDDLE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND, AKA THIS GUITAR AMP!
To see all this hard work and preparation come to fruition, please go HERE to see where you can catch my band this month!