Yeehaw! Now don’t get me wrong: I am not a Black Sabbath fan. I remember the sad fucking dweebs who blasted that goth shit back when I was in high school, and it wasn’t for me. I was too busy scoring touchdowns and fucking the cheerleaders (with one of whom ruining my life by birthing my libtard daughter as a result, but we don’t need to get into that one) to hang out with those sad fucking losers.
However, the new album from Tony Iommi is at least a step in the right direction, and if I can keep persuading my overly-pierced editor over at MetalSucks to keep approving my album suggestions, we’ll all be grooving to Grand Funk Railroad and slamming beers down our gullets in no time. Doesn’t that sound like a fucking blast? Anyway, you gotta eat your peanut butter before you can get to the jelly, or however that lame fucking phrase goes. Here’s my take on From the Dark.
Track 1: Over the Violent Sun
Not a bad riff, I gotta say. I’d better be careful listening to this, lest I metamorphosize into a black eyeliner-wearing freak without realizing it. I’ll try to keep the complimentary words scarce.
Track 2: Black Times
This riff is a little too heavy and frightening. With Halloween coming just around the corner, I’d better just skip it. I already skipped church last week to tailgate the Bears game with my neighbor Chuck, so there’s no need to make the Lord any angrier with me than he already is.
Track 3: World Alone
All these tracks say there’s someone or something called Jorn on these songs. Sounds foreign. I don’t like it. That’ll cost Mr. Iommi a star, I’m afraid.
Track 4: Beyond the Dead
I do NOT like this song title. Skip.
Track 5: Stormwatcher
That’s more like it. I do not despise this song. As we’ve established, I’m no goth, so I’ll just leave it at that.
Track 6: Death Wake
I just remembered this booger-eater in high school who wore a Black Sabbath shirt. His name was Chris or something, and I may or may not have gotten suspended for taking a shit in his locker. God, those were good times. Thank Christ I didn’t peak in high school. That would be downright pathetic.
Track 7: Return of the Arbalist
I don’t know what an arbalist is, and I’m too frightened to look it up, but that guitar lead that opened this song was pretty rockin’, if I’m being honest. Let’s move on.
Track 8: Legacy
7 minutes? Not goddamn likely. I think I’ve heard enough to make a verdict here.
Let’s be fair: 3/5 stars. My shitheel editor wanted me to be more positive going forward, and at any rate, this is a good strategy to get some more classic rock jams on this godforsaken website.
Until next time, you caped freaks.