Listen, I haven’t been doing well.
I don’t know if you turds have been paying attention to the news this week, but it looks like it’s all over for us God-fearing patriots.
Sharia Law, Transgender for Everybody, Socialism…all of it is in our very near future.
I mean, I’m already somewhat used to it, having lived just south of the dystopian, crime-riddled hellhole of Chicago for all of my 59 years, but that still doesn’t make me happy to see the same thing happen to the remainder of the country. No clue how the blue-headed simps even managed to fill out their ballots. They’ll be singing a different tune when their kids’ schools start buying mandatory litter boxes for their squawking little brats on their dime.
Oh well, country’s completely fucked, so what’re you gonna do?
Let’s get this Carnifex review out of the way, because there’s a bottle of Old Crow hiding underneath the tool bench in the garage with my name on it. Gonna get shitty tonight.
Track 1: “…and I Held Hands With Death”
Jesus Christ.
Track 2: “More Than Misery”
Yep, that title actually sums up my week pretty nicely. You’d think that would motivate me to put a positive spin on my review.
Track 3: “The Process of Pain”
You know what? Fuck waiting for this review to be over. Time to start hitting the sauce.
Track 4: “No Gods Only Graves”
Goddamn, there’s a reason this shit is bottom shelf. Tastes like fuck pie. What more do you expect of me? Wallet’s been a bit lighter since gas and grocery prices went up for some reason these past few months. I’m no Walter Cronkite, but I’m thinking it has something to do with Sleepy Joe Biden.
Track 5: “Coffin Crowned King”
Beginning of this tune was kind of nice, but that may be attributed to my upcoming decline as I keep slugging this bottle. Just call me Dorian Gray.
Track 6: “Roses & Rotting Corpses”
I’m starting to feel kind of nice, so fuck it. I’ll play a little air guitar.
Track 7: “Only the Dead”
Okay, mmmayb i was a little to fast witht the bourbon.
Track 8: “Gothic Serpent”
Ungh god…….….fukcing goths are incherestomg. Next songg please
Track 9: “Heart Made Of Teeth”
OK, I THink i need to lie down jst 1 more track togo.
Track 10: “Licking Love From a Knife”
FUCKING HELL.
3/5 stars cyou fucks next week. OH adn RIP America.