Ah shit, here we go again.
It’s Smokey Goretooth back with a new “Do I Suck?,” MetalSucks’ version of “Am I The Asshole?” where we take real life horror stories and bring them to our readers to decide if the OP sucks for some bullshit they may or may not have done.
This week, we have a story from an anonymous user who offers up two different reasons as to why they COULD be an asshole, but I’ll let you readers decide.
I’m definitely not a capitalist, and I’m not mass producing any of the stuff I’m about to talk about. So far I’ve only done this two times and I don’t really want to make too much of a habit out of it, but I honestly think it’s really funny.
My father-in-law is a MAGA asshole who likes shitty MAGA-supporting asshole artists like Kid Rock and Aaron Lewis. He’s kinda hard to shop for when it comes to gifts other than the typical “dad” things like tools or whatever, but he’s got all of that stuff. I know how to screen print shirts and I like drawing and all that, so when my FIL’s birthday came around last year I knew my best bet was to make him a shirt instead of buying one and potentially giving money to these shitheads. Last year I made him one that had Kid Rock on it, but I hid little Easter eggs in the design that if you were to look up close at it, you’d be able to tell include little bits and things that aren’t really favorable of them. At least, not in a way that any self-respecting person would think.
This year, I made him an Aaron Lewis shirt since it seemed pretty timely with him being in the news more for all the dumb shit he says. My FIL talks about him a lot and always agrees with whatever comes out of his mouth and it drives me insane. He can’t see very well, and neither can my MIL, so for this design I included different sayings in really small print. Things like ‘I kill coyotes for 45‘ and ‘I voted for Trump and all I have to show for it is this small penis.‘ Ya know, pretty innocent yet really applicable things. I drew the art for the shirt and included the sayings masked as little swirls and things in the design.
My husband has seen both shirts but also isn’t a fan of either of the artists so he didn’t really look at them in detail. My FIL wears them both often, but it doesn’t seem like anyone has noticed yet that I’m openly talking shit on them and essentially making my FIL look like a dumbass if anyone were to find out. But I really don’t feel that bad because both of these artists are terrible people who make shitty music and support terrible people. No one’s making any money off of this, so it’s really a win-win for everyone involved — my FIL gets a gift he likes and will hopefully shut up and be a nice person for like a week, and I get to enjoy one of my favorite hobbies even more. Plus, it’s not really my fault that no one is actually paying attention enough to notice just how special my designs are. Both shirts have been a hit so far so part of me is thinking of just making it a regular thing throughout the years until I run out of ideas and, considering how we’re finding out that basically everyone is terrible, I don’t think I’ll run out of lame artists to make shirts for anytime soon.
Do I suck for doing this?