Tomorrow marks a very special day in my podcasting career: episode 99 of the RIGHT NOW! The podcast will be released, and for those who struggle with math, that means we are but one episode away from reaching the milestone of 100. It may come as a surprise, but I wasn’t always the funny, confident, sex-Gob you see each week hosting the number one comedy podcast in the world, if you don’t fact-check that. Believe it or not, I used to be just your ordinary, everyday life-insurance salesman turned worst-selling author turned metal mascot turned front Gob of the premier goblin-metal band Nekrogoblikon, and my GOB, how time has flown. I remember episode 1 like it was just 687 days ago… because it was. Now that I’m also on my way to becoming the #1 journalist in the overcrowded market of satirical-metal articles, I wanted to peel back the curtain and take a look back… review… reminisce… reflect… another r-word… and I wanted to do it RIGHT. NOW!
Many of you, even the die-hard loyalists in the Gob Squad, probably don’t know that Andrew Santino was not supposed to be the first guest. It was actually scheduled to be Joe Rogan. I know. My thought was, before I become the host of the most popular podcast in the world, perhaps I should invite the host of the current most-watched podcast, in order to inform him of his future demise. I think Joe realized two things very quickly: LA is kinda a far drive from Austin, TX, and, two, that despite smoking weed every day, he was actually quite scared of a talking green thing. I knew I had to pivot to the 2nd-most-popular podcast… but those Smartless guys were all booked up. So if you go far enough down the list of “most popular podcasts,” you will eventually arrive at the Bad Friends podcast. Having the checkered history I do with Bobby Lee, I mean the guy broke my set and tried to fight me on my own show! I decided to make the first episode Christmas themed, RED & GREEN! Santino Episode Here
Andrew was a sweet boy, pale as all get-out, but a sweet boy nonetheless. Needless to say, that episode broke the internets, and soon comedians, being the poor, desperate, attention-seekers they are, began coming out of the woodwork: “Can I be on your podcast?” “I want to go Goblin Mode!” “I just need a place to crash, man, I’m down bad.” Now I can’t highlight every guest, so I thought I would give you my personal highs, and even the low. Yeah, it’s singular, just one; his name is Adam Pally. I would link his episode, but I like you.
Hand to Gob, these are some of my favorite moments…
First one that comes to mind is having on the dang Super Troopers! Not only did I make out with one of em, I came to find out they were going to make a Super Troopers 3 (which is out in theaters RIGHT NOW), but it was at that moment that I realized they had made a Super Troopers 2! My first scoop! In the following episode, I got to debut my Fred Durst impression, which critics hailed as the greatest impression since Sarah Palin pretended to be an unlikable Tina Fey! I remember them telling me that Fred had been so inspired by impression oh him that he wanted to witness it in person. Fred Durst wanted to do the podcast? YEAH!!! I was FREAKING OUT; I was ready to Break Stuff and stick the cookie up my yeah! Sadly, Fred did not arrive for the podcast and still hasn’t done it. “Wouldn’t this be filed under the low points, Johnny?” NOT A CHANCE! Because who did arrive in Fred’s place was a gift from GOB. Gary The Teabag Artist will go down as one of my all-time favorite guests, humans, and definitely my all-time favorite artist specializing in the tea-arts or TARTS, as I believe they call it in France. After this episode aired, you would have thought we peaked, but we were just getting started!
I think what I love most about my podcast is that, as a giant COC (Creature Of Color), I did not gatekeep; I had an open claw policy and was able to shed light on humans and creatures from all walks of life! I had men, women, gay, straight, Gianmarco Soresi…whites, blacks, purples, green geckos, Trailer Trash, Cholos, Vampires, Puppets, Apes, whatever Howie Mandel is, comedians, actors, directors, musicians, pro-wrestlers, and I am most proud to say, NO TROLLS. Never. Not one! Alongside too many wild moments to name: too many laughs, too many riffs, too many Johannes ruining the vibe… but if you asked me my absolute favorite part of making this podcast… maybe it’s the friends I made along the way.?
I feel almost completely fulfilled… almost. There perhaps is still one void, one glaring hole in the show; no, it’s not my incompetent Italian producer Johannes- good guess, though. It’s that on Episode 2, Pete Holmes, unsolicited, brought up my idol, my future mentor, jack of all trades and master at freakin all of them, Wayne Brady! For 99 episodes, I have tried to get him on the podcast and failed. For 99 episodes, I have tried to learn all there is to know about improv comedy in hopes that when we do meet, I’d finally get to say, “Hey Wayne, wanna dance?” and he’d smile and say, “Yes… AND!” But alas, I have not been able to get Wayne Brady on the RIGHT NOW Podcast… well… maybe that’s because, having Wayne on any single or double-digit episode doth not make a lick of sense. This man deserves TRIPLE-DIGITS! There can ONLY be one guest for Episode 100, and that man is WAYNE BRADY B*TCH!
Make sure to watch all 99 episodes before so you’re all caught up, don’t be the person turning to your partner going, “Wait, he’s a goblin?!? What episode did they reveal this? I’m so lost!” Cause next week: EPISODE 100. JOHN GOBLIKON. WAYNE BRADY. OH….MY…GOB.