The holidays can be an exceptionally challenging time for hateful black metal souls, who prefer to bask in their misanthropy and listen to the great Xasthur. Of course, the more degenerate portion of black metallers crave music about murder, sexual perversion, narcotics, and self-destruction — exactly the topics that do not belong around the Christmas tree.
Last year, our anti-yuletide playlist of black metal and related picks featured Venom’s “Black Xmas,” Plaag’s “Christmas Is Dead,” Ajattara’s “Joulupukki puree ja lyö” (M. A. Numminen cover), Livløst’s “Holy Night,” Haust’s “No Christmas,” Gehennah’s “Sathana Claus” & “Merry Shitmas!,” Funeral Mist’s “Jesus Saves!,” Limbonic Art’s “In Embers of Infernal Greed,” Angst Skvadron’s “Silent Light, Alien Night,” Marduk’s “Silent Night,” Eisregen’s “Kai aus der Kiste,” Tormentor’s “The Little Match Girl,” Ulver’s “Christmas,” and Stryper’s “Winter Wonderland.”
This winter, we bring you a new assortment of tracks. We would first, however, like to suggest that you take some time to celebrate the anniversary of Morbid’s historic December Moon (1987) demo. Now, without further delay, please allow the following picks to speak to your inner scrooge.
Dødheimsgard — “Jesu blod”
The legendary Dødheimsgard, one of black metal’s very finest, was co-founded by Vicotnik and Aldrahn. The former soon recruited Darkthrone’s Fenriz. DHG’s original studio trio can be heard on their debut album, Kronet til konge (1995). This effort’s fourth composition, “Jesu Blod,” or “Jesus’ Blood,” is a fantastic way to ruin Christmas.
Yet, in all seriousness, we must acknowledge that Jesus was great. Everyone should be willing to suffer and die for their beliefs as he did. The mass crucifixions that would then ensue would certainly be a beautiful sight to behold.
Shining — “For the God Below”
“For the God Below” from Redefining Darkness (2012) is a glorious love letter to the Devil, to whom Shining’s brilliant mastermind, Niklas Kvarforth, profusely apologizes: “Father, who art not in heaven, hear my cries of true remorse. To let a mortal being ever coincide with thou must be punished by a fate worse than death.” This famed track is one of Bree’s favorites because it reminds her of what is truly important in life. Fuck your nearest and dearest; hail Satan: “Now put me in a position where I would have to choose. My devotion to evil will always come before you.” Indeed, “For the God Below” features some of the most devastatingly miraculous guitar work you will ever hear.
Carpathian Forest — “All My Friends Are Dead” (Turbonegro cover)
Carpathian Forest’s orgasmic cover of Turbonegro’s “All My Friends Are Dead” can be found on Likeim (2018). The band has actually performed this song live with frontman Nattefrost’s son. However, when interpreted figuratively, “All My Friends Are Dead,” is another nice way to show your loved ones that you are truly indifferent to the miserable things they call their existences.
Extremely important message: we urge you to check out Misantrof ANTIRecords’ Holy fucking ANTIChristmas compilation albums. Misantrof was founded by Carpathian Forest’s Daniel Vrangsinn, a generous spirit who believes that art should be free and has commented on Christmas greed: “Regardless of your religious beliefs, Christmas has now become what is probably the most exploitative time of the year, when people are guilted into spending ridiculous amounts of money they can’t afford, on things they don’t need.”
Angst Skvadron — “The Snowman”
Angst Skvadron was the incredible experimental project of the prolific late genius Trondr Nefas, who is known for bands like Urgehal, Vulture Lord, and Beastcraft. In my opinion, Trondr was one of the genre’s greatest artists. The pessimistic and bone-chilling “The Snowman” is final composition on the EP The Alien (2010). This pick is the theme from a cartoon as rewritten by Trondr’s brother, Thomas Bråthen. The Alien showcases the talents of a few different artists, including Trondr’s fiancée, Octavia. Thus, it is fair to call it a wayward yet exceptional family effort.
Troll — “Drep de kristne”
“Drep de kristne,” or “Kill the Christians,” serves as the title track and finale of Troll’s 1996 debut album. Troll is, of course, the brainchild of now ex-Dimmu Borgir’s Nagash, who founded the band when he was just 14 years old. Drep de kristne was a solo effort and features so much refreshing youthful rage and creativity.
Behexen — “Christ Forever Die”
Behexen arguably numbers among Finland’s greatest treasures, besides Ville Valo. “Christ Forever Die” hails from Behexen’s debut record, Rituale Satanum (2000). This delightfully brutal song is bound to infuriate many of those who believe in “Jesus Christ, whore’s child, the impotent king.” Yes, Behexen is a group with the right values. Thus, we send our deepest respect their way.
Darkthrone — “Splitkein Fever”
The word “Splitkein” refers to skis, making our current pick from Darkthrone’s F.O.A.D. (2007) quite appropriate for the winter season. However, the curmudgeonly and anti-social “Splitkein Fever” promotes the opposite of holiday togetherness: “Maximum distance to your idiocy…”
Urgehal — “Satanic Black Metal in Hell”
We sorely miss the almighty Urgehal, who recently completed a long chain of reunion shows dubbed “Dødsmarsj for Nefas.” The beloved “Satanic Black Metal in Hell” first appeared on the classic Goatcraft Torment (2006). It is verily a heartwarming selection: “What pleasures life may grant you It will be robbed from you.” This track provides an opportunity to appreciate the brilliance and insane charisma of Trondr Nefas, Uruz, Enzifer, and Sregroth — first-rate soldiers in service of the Devil.
Shining — “Snart är dom alla borta”
Yes, two Shining picks are absolutely necessary on this list. The profundity and crushing beauty of Shining’s music is enough to leave listeners totally broken. The superiority of Shining’s father, Niklas Kvarforth, reminds us mortals of our own innate worthlessness. The illusion-shattering “Snart är dom alla borta” from Shining’s most recent masterpiece, Shining (2023), may be viewed as the ideal anti-holiday song insofar as it exposes the truth about family, friends, and life in general. However, readers will just have to wait for the release of the sixth edition of When Prozac No Longer Helps to read the English translation of Kvarforth’s phenomenal lyrics to this track. Based on a sneak peek, I can assure readers that the new Prozac book will be beyond magnificent. All I want for Christmas is my copy and other fun items from Shining. I repeat: Shining has been the greatest gift of all to me in this cold world of weaklings and posers. Prozac comes with a gratitude list, and, as I look back on 2023, Shining is literally one of the only things for which I dearly thank Satan.
Darvaza — “Silence in Heaven”
The Darvaza duo consists of Norway’s Wraath and Italy’s Omega. This year, Wraath took part in what was quickly recognized by many as one of the best black metal photo shoots of all time. The cult hero photographer NecrosHorns snapped the revered frontman in the Via Dolorosa in Israel. It has been stated that Wraath and NecrosHorns could have been killed or arrested for bringing blasphemy to an Orthodox territory in the manner that they did. Fortunately, however, the pair survived and made history.
Thus, we have decided to feature Darvaza’s “Silence in Heaven,” the final composition on Ascending into Perdition (2022), to celebrate one of the takeaways of the images that NecrosHorns was able to capture — we stand free against the chains of religious oppression. That said, “Silence in Heaven” is an excellent and meaningful song in its own right:
“A door was opened in heaven:
And the first thing that I saw
was the Devil and his trumpet
He opened his mouth and spoke to me:
Come up higher, and higher
… and higher… and higher…”
Just listen to Eastern Orthodox Hymns
Some of the darkest sounds I have ever heard have come from Orthodox churches in Moscow and St. Petersburg. Gregorian chanting is so black metal that countless bands incorporate it, or their own interpretations, into their music. Indeed, clergymen can be the most diabolical of all and often put these so-called black metallers to shame.